The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
