I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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