Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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