did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
