Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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