the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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