i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
