the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
