you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
