Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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