youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
