just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i will never coherently bang her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
