My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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