She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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