Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
