i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
