She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
