WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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