You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
