the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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