thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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