Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
