Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
