My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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