Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
