remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
