We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
