i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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