What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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