it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
