Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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