my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
