you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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