That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
