just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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