fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
