My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
