even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
