i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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