she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
