Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
