Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
