His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
