It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
