What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
