My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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