Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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