I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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