I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
