Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
