Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
