God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
