I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
