i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
