I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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