I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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