Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
