just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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