I am in a vortex of obligation.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
