Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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